Saturday, September 24, 2016

On Obfuscatory Onomastics

This is the last line of a poem my great uncle used to recite that I always liked. I had plans to make a whole book, but it's still in progress. He died a few hours ago, so I felt it was time to post it, even though I don't have the other lines done. I don't know who the original author was. I've tried to look it up...haven't found it exactly, but looks like it may be based on a speech by Mark Twain, which is fitting because I really like him (Huck Finn, not Tom Sawyer...that book was awful).

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations,
Or articulating superficial sentimentalities
and amicable observations,
Beware of platitudinous ponderosity.

Let your concatenations possess
a clarified conciseness
and a coalescent, consistent cogency.

Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity,
Jejune babblement and asinine affectation.

Let extemporaneous descantings
and expatiations have intelligibility
without thrasonical bombast.

Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity,
pompous prolixity,
psittaceous vacuity,
and verbose vapidity.

In other words…

Keep it simple and short.